A week ago I shared one of my favorite Bible stories, and explained how the story led to the name of this blog. However, the part of the story the really solidifies its correlation to my life is the next chapter of the saga. 1 Kings 19: 1-18 tells the story of what happens directly after the excitement of God’s presence in Elijah’s life gave him the ability to the chase down the chariots of the King.
Ahab gets back to his kingdom and shares with his wife, Jezebel, all of what Elijah had done on Mount Carmel, including him putting to death all of the prophets of Baal. She is furious, and sends a messenger to tell Elijah that she will make sure he faces the same fate of the prophets of Baal by that time the next day.
Before we look at how Elijah reacts to this message, let us remember all that God has done to ensure his well being up until now. During a drought of over three years, he has been fed by ravens and by a widow whose dwindling supplies of food continue to miraculously multiply. In order to stay in the widow’s good graces, God answers his prayer to bring the widow’s son back from the dead. God then brought Elijah out of the desert and showed his power to all of Israel by raining fire from the sky, and then ending the drought as Elijah had prophesied. So, you would suppose that Elijah’s confidence in God would be pretty strong at this point. He would probably mock Jezebel like he mocked the prophets of Baal, and ignore her threats because he knew God would protect him.
Elijah was afraid, and ran.
He wasn’t running to shout God’s wonder to the world this time. He was running from the idea that his calling from God would lead to his death by the hand of an evil Queen. He wasn’t running because of joy, he was running because of fear.
Elijah left his servant in Beersheba and walked into the desert for a day. He sat under a tree, prayed for the God who had saved him over and over again to take his life, and then he fell asleep. All of a sudden, and angel touches him and tells him to get up and eat. By his head was bread and water. He ate, drank and then fell back to sleep. The angel woke him up again and told him to eat and drink again because the journey was too much for him. This time, after he ate he traveled for 40 days and nights to Horeb, the Mountain of God, where he went into a cave and spent the night.
God said: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He tells God how passionate he has been while the rest of the Israelites had broken their covenant with God, broken down the altars to Him, and killed all of His prophets. He says he is the only one left, and now they are trying to kill him.
God tells Elijah to go stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord because the Lord is about to pass by.
A great wind rips through the mountain shattering rocks in its path, but the Lord is not present in the wind.
An earthquake rocks the foundation of the mountain, but the Lord is not present in the earthquake.
A fire burns the face of the mountain, but the Lord is not in the fire.
Then came a gentle whisper.
When Eli heard the whisper, he hid his face with his cloak and went to the mouth of the cave.
The gentle voice of God said: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Elijah responds in the exact same way as he did the first time God asked, but this time God tells him how wrong he is. He tells him of four men who will put to death every Israelite who has turned from Him upon Elijah’s anointing, and of seven thousand Israelites who had not bowed down or kissed the false god, Baal.
I am struggling with which direction to go in my initial post about this section of Elijah’s story. There are so many parallels to my life and the lives of many Christian’s I know. In order to not make this post a book I am going to focus on one portion of the story that grabs my attention. However, be prepared for me to come back to this story over and over as I search for God in the world around me and share my findings with whoever is out there reading this blog.
I want to focus on the question God asks Elijah: “What are you doing here?”
Two precursors:
1. It is very easy to look at Elijah, the disciples, or other people in our lives and say, “I can’t believe they didn’t realize how much God had protected them and ran in fear at the first sign of trouble.” I want to challenge you to use the examples of others to examine your own decisions to run in fear instead of running because of the joy that God is with you.
2. If you are still hung up on this being an Old Testament story and feel like God isn’t as attainable as He is to Elijah, I challenge you to read my mom’s e-mail in this previous post and try to argue with me about whether God still shows up in our lives today.
So, “What are you doing here?”
First of all, I think we can agree that God was not asking about why Elijah was at the physical place of a cave in the side of Mount Horeb. I am assuming that although the Bible does not say that the angel gave Elijah specific instructions, that he was led by God to the cave in Mount Horeb.
I believe God is asking Elijah why he is at a place in his life where he feels like he no longer wants to live. After God has brought him through trial after trial, and showed himself to him in ways that are indescribably magnificent, how could he not want to live to chase the chariots he had once passed on the way to Jezreel? This may make you feel awkward when you see me next, but I have been exactly where Elijah was, and God asked me the same question. “What are you doing here?” Much like Elijah, my answers were selfish and wrong. It is easy for us to praise God in the times where we feel close to Him, when we see him so clearly working like he has been in my mom’s life, or in times where he is carrying us through marathons or the deaths of people closest to us. However, it is just as easy to be distracted by the temptations of this word and begin running away in fear.
C.S. Lewis, although most well known for the Chronicles of Narnia series, has written a large library of non-fiction and fiction works. Some of my favorite works of his are his space trilogy. The second book of the series, Perelandra, tells the story of Elwin Ransom who is sent to Perelandra, where a new Garden of Eden and a new Adam and Eve have been created. He is given the mission of stopping the serpentesque human physicist Professor Weston, who has been sent to corrupt the Eve figure. In one of the most powerful scenes, Weston, who does not require sleep, is attempting to wear Ransom down by constantly repeating his name in the night.
Weston: Ransom……Ransom……Ransom
Ransom: What?
Weston: Nothing…..Ransom…..Ransom…….Ransom
All night long
In the middle of the night, while Weston is constantly mocking his name, Ransom prays: “Father, what must I do?”
This is a picture of our lives. Satan, or the world, or society, which ever you feel comfortable saying at this point, is calling out to us constantly. They are asking us to remove our attention from God and float off into the loneliness and fear that comes from a separation from Him.
The answer is not to run in fear; it is to remember the joy of being close to God and turn to Him for help. Turn to the God who has shown His love to us over and over again and ask, “Father, what must I do?”
After I received the call from my mom about my father dying I called my brother. I remember him asking me, “What are we were supposed to do?” I told him we have two choices, but only one is an option. We can turn towards Him, or we can turn away from Him. If you read my mom’s words and were in awe at her strength, please realize that her strength comes from our family’s decision to run towards God in joy instead of running away from Him in fear. Remember the words of Jesus in Luke 11:9-10: “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Message from my mom
The following is a message from my mom. I think it is a great example of God showing up when we search for Him and when we need Him:
"Everyday, when I wake up and go to bed, the reality that your dad is not here enters my conscious. He is always with me but sometimes the thoughts of him are more frequent because of so many memories and years of being together. I am sure it is the same for you. Anyway, when I got up to make my coffee this morning and the water did not funnel through to the pot I started thinking about how I'd go buy another Bun. It reminded me of how excited dad would be purchasing a new coffee pot. As soon as we'd get home with a new pot, he would be the one taking it out of the box, setting it up, cleaning it (according to instructions he would read) and making preparations for the first pot of coffee. It will be a first for me.
Then I read your blog. I really didn't expect it to end the way it did. That memory of your dads lecture has meant so much to you. It was one of those highlights in his walk that I will always remember too.
I was getting ready to run to the store and post office when I saw one of your dad’s students getting ready to clean my driveway. I would have had no idea who had cleaned the drive if I had been gone. I would have thought it was the neighbor. It was Chris Logan's son. Chris worked security at Indian Hills Community College and still does. His son was in the Criminal Justice program and came to the house after dad passed away.
Finally, in the mail there was a letter from the Iowa Donor Network. It stated that in a separate sealed envelope was information on Roger's donations that were received. It said please feel free to open and read it at a time that is right for you.
I did not think it would be a big deal, so I opened it in the car at the post office. I couldn't finish it. Sixty-seven bone grafts have been created from Roger's gift! It said the grafts would be used for reconstructive surgery, spinal fusions and oral surgery. It actually lists 13 individuals’ names, ages ranging from 19 years of age to 65, and where they live, that have already benefited.
What really moved me was when it said "In the case of Roger's gift a pulmonary graft has been transplanted in a 3 month old baby boy at a hospital in New York."
It was worth the process, although I questioned it at the time.
It has been an emotional day but a B-E-A utiful day to praise God and keep on looking for him in those unexpected places and at unpredictable times. I have been blessed today in ways I cannot begin to explain, and I wasn't at church."
My mom is the best person I know at finding God in her everyday life, so for her to act like my blog had anything to do with it is probably an exaggeration. She understands that Heaven isn't a distant place in another dimension, but a place that, if you look close enough, is right in front of your eyes. Without getting too theological and out of my league, I believe Heaven is where God resides, and I believe God resides in all of His creation. So, take a look around, and then take another look, because if you search for Him you will find Him, and you might find a little piece of Heaven as well.
Thanks Mom for your note, and for your constant inspiration in my life.
"Everyday, when I wake up and go to bed, the reality that your dad is not here enters my conscious. He is always with me but sometimes the thoughts of him are more frequent because of so many memories and years of being together. I am sure it is the same for you. Anyway, when I got up to make my coffee this morning and the water did not funnel through to the pot I started thinking about how I'd go buy another Bun. It reminded me of how excited dad would be purchasing a new coffee pot. As soon as we'd get home with a new pot, he would be the one taking it out of the box, setting it up, cleaning it (according to instructions he would read) and making preparations for the first pot of coffee. It will be a first for me.
Then I read your blog. I really didn't expect it to end the way it did. That memory of your dads lecture has meant so much to you. It was one of those highlights in his walk that I will always remember too.
I was getting ready to run to the store and post office when I saw one of your dad’s students getting ready to clean my driveway. I would have had no idea who had cleaned the drive if I had been gone. I would have thought it was the neighbor. It was Chris Logan's son. Chris worked security at Indian Hills Community College and still does. His son was in the Criminal Justice program and came to the house after dad passed away.
Finally, in the mail there was a letter from the Iowa Donor Network. It stated that in a separate sealed envelope was information on Roger's donations that were received. It said please feel free to open and read it at a time that is right for you.
I did not think it would be a big deal, so I opened it in the car at the post office. I couldn't finish it. Sixty-seven bone grafts have been created from Roger's gift! It said the grafts would be used for reconstructive surgery, spinal fusions and oral surgery. It actually lists 13 individuals’ names, ages ranging from 19 years of age to 65, and where they live, that have already benefited.
What really moved me was when it said "In the case of Roger's gift a pulmonary graft has been transplanted in a 3 month old baby boy at a hospital in New York."
It was worth the process, although I questioned it at the time.
It has been an emotional day but a B-E-A utiful day to praise God and keep on looking for him in those unexpected places and at unpredictable times. I have been blessed today in ways I cannot begin to explain, and I wasn't at church."
My mom is the best person I know at finding God in her everyday life, so for her to act like my blog had anything to do with it is probably an exaggeration. She understands that Heaven isn't a distant place in another dimension, but a place that, if you look close enough, is right in front of your eyes. Without getting too theological and out of my league, I believe Heaven is where God resides, and I believe God resides in all of His creation. So, take a look around, and then take another look, because if you search for Him you will find Him, and you might find a little piece of Heaven as well.
Thanks Mom for your note, and for your constant inspiration in my life.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Chasing Chariots
The time has come to share with you where the name Chasing Chariots is derived from. It really is kind of a stretch to make one of my favorite stories in the Bible relate back to running, but it is a stretch I am willing to make.
I had the wonderful privilege of reading through 1st and 2nd Kings with a group of men from Orchard Hill Church led by the extremely knowledgeable Ed Baker. Not only was Ed’s knowledge inspiring, his passion for the word of God made me appreciate the stories of the Old Testament in a way I did not know possible. My favorite story from this journey comes in 1 Kings chapters 17-19. Each time I read the story I find more things that I love, and more ways that this crazy Old Testament story that normally sounded like a fairy tale to me relates very intimately to my life. So, although I will paraphrase the story I encourage you to read through it in the pages of your Bible. If you don’t have Ed Baker handy to explain all the nuances, grab a commentary from a book store or one online. However, don’t let the burden of understanding all that is going get in the way of letting God speak to you through the story.
There is this King Ahab who like so many before him has done wrong in the eyes of God. He has married one of the scariest characters in the Bible, Jezebel, and set up places for his people to worship the idols, Baal and Asherah. Elijah gets a message from God to tell Ahab that it will not rain in his land for the next few years until he says so.
God protects Elijah by telling him to go to a brook where he had plenty of water and the ravens, yes the ravens, brought him food in the morning and at night. When the brook dries up, God sends Elijah to a widow who is poor and famished and has resolved to die with her son. When Elijah asks for food and water she tells him her plight. Elijah tells her to go home and make him, herself and her son some bread with the supplies she has and tells her to not be afraid because the Lord said the supplies will not run out until it rained on the land. Some time later the woman’s son became ill and stopped breathing. She thinks that Elijah has been sent to remind her of her sins and take her son from her. Elijah prays to God to save her son and the Lord brings him back to life.
After at least three years of no rain God tells Elijah to go talk to Ahab. Before making it rain God wants to know that the people know they are worshipping false idols and He is the only true God, so he calls for a bit of a show down. Elijah comes across the person in charge of Ahab’s palace, Obadiah, and tells him to tell Ahab he is back. Obadiah is scared to do so because while Elijah has been gone Jezebel has been killing every prophet of the Lord she could find, and Ahab has been searching everywhere for Elijah. He was afraid that if he told Ahab he was back, and then Elijah was called somewhere else, that Ahab would kill him. Elijah promises this will not happen and Obadiah tells Ahab of Elijah’s return.
When Elijah meets with Ahab he reminds him of why the drought is happening. He tells him to gather all the people of Israel, the prophets of Baal and the prophets of Asherah and tell them to go to Mount Carmel. When everyone arrives Elijah gives them a ultimatum. He says you worship God, or you worship Baal. You can’t have both. He claims he is the only prophet of God left but there are 450 prophets of Baal. To prove that God is the only God he sets up a test. The prophets of Baal will prepare a bull for sacrifice and so will Elijah. They will both ask their god for fire and the god who answers is the true God.
The prophets of Baal go first because Elijah is so outnumbered. They call on Baal all morning but nothing happens. Then Elijah starts a bit of trash talk. He even implies that maybe Baal is too busy using the toilette to answer them. The prophets became upset and slashed themselves with swords to bleed in order for Baal to answer. They did this into the evening, but nothing happened.
Elijah then called everyone’s attention to him. The people came and helped him prepare the altar of the Lord with twelve stones for each tribe of Israel. He arranged the wood and placed the bull on the altar. He then asked the people to fill the trench they had made with 12 large jars of precious water during a drought. Then Elijah called upon the Lord to let the people know that he was the one true God so their hearts would return to Him. Fire came down that was so hot it burned up the entire altar: bull, stones, wood and water. The people of Israel turned back to God, and the prophets of Baal were put to death. Elijah told Ahab to go eat and drink because rain was on its way. As the people celebrated , Elijah knelt down on the top of Mount Carmel and prayed to God for the rain to come. He told his servant to go look for clouds seven times, and on the seventh trip he saw a small cloud coming over the horizon.
Elijah told Ahab to get in his chariot and get back home before the rain made it too hard to travel. The sky grew dark, the winds picked up, and a heavy rain began as Ahab rode of in his chariot. Elijah was so overwhelmed by what God had done that he was filled with the power of the Lord. He tucked his cloak into his belt and began running in the direction of Ahab’s chariot. The Lords power was so strong in him that he chased down Ahab’s chariots and passed them, beating them back to the town of Jezreel.
Elijah was so excited about what God had done for him and his people that he could not hold in his amazement and gratitude to God. He wanted to shout it so loud that he was able to accomplish the super-human feat of beating the chariots back to Jezreel from Mount Carmel. The story reminds me of my father’s conversion after attending a Young Life camp. He was so dumbfounded by this new knowledge of God’s amazing love for him that he could not hold it in.
I remember getting a call from him before he was to be a guest lecturer at UNI. He said, “Jordan, is it okay to talk about Jesus in a classroom at UNI.” I said, “Dad, I thought your lecture was about youth drug culture and intervention.” He said, “Well I can’t really keep my faith out of anything.” I said, “If you think it is the truth, no one can stop you from telling it.” A woman in the class asked him if he thought that jail or rehabilitation really changed anybody. He said, “No, because the only thing that can really change anybody is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” My father had the power to chase chariots in order to shout from the mountain tops the love and forgiveness that Jesus Christ had offered him. I hope that as I discover God in new ways that I don’t keep it to myself. I hope that God will fill me with the power to share it with the world. I hope that I am always chasing chariots.
I had the wonderful privilege of reading through 1st and 2nd Kings with a group of men from Orchard Hill Church led by the extremely knowledgeable Ed Baker. Not only was Ed’s knowledge inspiring, his passion for the word of God made me appreciate the stories of the Old Testament in a way I did not know possible. My favorite story from this journey comes in 1 Kings chapters 17-19. Each time I read the story I find more things that I love, and more ways that this crazy Old Testament story that normally sounded like a fairy tale to me relates very intimately to my life. So, although I will paraphrase the story I encourage you to read through it in the pages of your Bible. If you don’t have Ed Baker handy to explain all the nuances, grab a commentary from a book store or one online. However, don’t let the burden of understanding all that is going get in the way of letting God speak to you through the story.
There is this King Ahab who like so many before him has done wrong in the eyes of God. He has married one of the scariest characters in the Bible, Jezebel, and set up places for his people to worship the idols, Baal and Asherah. Elijah gets a message from God to tell Ahab that it will not rain in his land for the next few years until he says so.
God protects Elijah by telling him to go to a brook where he had plenty of water and the ravens, yes the ravens, brought him food in the morning and at night. When the brook dries up, God sends Elijah to a widow who is poor and famished and has resolved to die with her son. When Elijah asks for food and water she tells him her plight. Elijah tells her to go home and make him, herself and her son some bread with the supplies she has and tells her to not be afraid because the Lord said the supplies will not run out until it rained on the land. Some time later the woman’s son became ill and stopped breathing. She thinks that Elijah has been sent to remind her of her sins and take her son from her. Elijah prays to God to save her son and the Lord brings him back to life.
After at least three years of no rain God tells Elijah to go talk to Ahab. Before making it rain God wants to know that the people know they are worshipping false idols and He is the only true God, so he calls for a bit of a show down. Elijah comes across the person in charge of Ahab’s palace, Obadiah, and tells him to tell Ahab he is back. Obadiah is scared to do so because while Elijah has been gone Jezebel has been killing every prophet of the Lord she could find, and Ahab has been searching everywhere for Elijah. He was afraid that if he told Ahab he was back, and then Elijah was called somewhere else, that Ahab would kill him. Elijah promises this will not happen and Obadiah tells Ahab of Elijah’s return.
When Elijah meets with Ahab he reminds him of why the drought is happening. He tells him to gather all the people of Israel, the prophets of Baal and the prophets of Asherah and tell them to go to Mount Carmel. When everyone arrives Elijah gives them a ultimatum. He says you worship God, or you worship Baal. You can’t have both. He claims he is the only prophet of God left but there are 450 prophets of Baal. To prove that God is the only God he sets up a test. The prophets of Baal will prepare a bull for sacrifice and so will Elijah. They will both ask their god for fire and the god who answers is the true God.
The prophets of Baal go first because Elijah is so outnumbered. They call on Baal all morning but nothing happens. Then Elijah starts a bit of trash talk. He even implies that maybe Baal is too busy using the toilette to answer them. The prophets became upset and slashed themselves with swords to bleed in order for Baal to answer. They did this into the evening, but nothing happened.
Elijah then called everyone’s attention to him. The people came and helped him prepare the altar of the Lord with twelve stones for each tribe of Israel. He arranged the wood and placed the bull on the altar. He then asked the people to fill the trench they had made with 12 large jars of precious water during a drought. Then Elijah called upon the Lord to let the people know that he was the one true God so their hearts would return to Him. Fire came down that was so hot it burned up the entire altar: bull, stones, wood and water. The people of Israel turned back to God, and the prophets of Baal were put to death. Elijah told Ahab to go eat and drink because rain was on its way. As the people celebrated , Elijah knelt down on the top of Mount Carmel and prayed to God for the rain to come. He told his servant to go look for clouds seven times, and on the seventh trip he saw a small cloud coming over the horizon.
Elijah told Ahab to get in his chariot and get back home before the rain made it too hard to travel. The sky grew dark, the winds picked up, and a heavy rain began as Ahab rode of in his chariot. Elijah was so overwhelmed by what God had done that he was filled with the power of the Lord. He tucked his cloak into his belt and began running in the direction of Ahab’s chariot. The Lords power was so strong in him that he chased down Ahab’s chariots and passed them, beating them back to the town of Jezreel.
Elijah was so excited about what God had done for him and his people that he could not hold in his amazement and gratitude to God. He wanted to shout it so loud that he was able to accomplish the super-human feat of beating the chariots back to Jezreel from Mount Carmel. The story reminds me of my father’s conversion after attending a Young Life camp. He was so dumbfounded by this new knowledge of God’s amazing love for him that he could not hold it in.
I remember getting a call from him before he was to be a guest lecturer at UNI. He said, “Jordan, is it okay to talk about Jesus in a classroom at UNI.” I said, “Dad, I thought your lecture was about youth drug culture and intervention.” He said, “Well I can’t really keep my faith out of anything.” I said, “If you think it is the truth, no one can stop you from telling it.” A woman in the class asked him if he thought that jail or rehabilitation really changed anybody. He said, “No, because the only thing that can really change anybody is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” My father had the power to chase chariots in order to shout from the mountain tops the love and forgiveness that Jesus Christ had offered him. I hope that as I discover God in new ways that I don’t keep it to myself. I hope that God will fill me with the power to share it with the world. I hope that I am always chasing chariots.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Year's Resolution
So, if you know me very well you may think it is pretty strange that I would be writing about a New Year’s resolution. I am pretty anti most traditions. I don’t know what it is, but when something becomes a tradition it puts a bad taste in my mouth. I am sure that will become more of a headache for Katie when we have kids, but she got a good taste of it when we were planning our wedding!
Anyway, I figured since it is the start of a new year and there are plenty of things I could be better at, I could write about a New Year’s resolution that was something I was thinking about anyway.
However, just to have a little fun, I wanted to mention the fact that celebrating a new year in the DEAD of winter does not make much since at all. When I think of NEW I do not think of WINTER. Actually, celebrating the New Year is the oldest holiday, reaching all the way back to 4000BC. However, the New Year originally began with the first new moon, or the first day of spring. Doesn’t that make so much more sense?
Back to the point…
Something that stuck out in my mind as I finished off 2009 was my keen ability to pick out the bad things around me, blow them up into huge images in my brain, and allow them to block out all of the wonderful things that happen every day. It is a wonderful talent of mine that I resolve to try to get worse at in 2010.
Working at the Northeast Iowa Food Bank, I had the opportunity to coordinate holiday food distributions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We decided this year to focus on clients who had received crisis services in the months prior to the holidays. These clients are individuals who have never been into the food bank before, have not been in within the last 6 months, or have had some major event in their lives that has dramatically changed their ability to keep food on the table. This constituted over 700 individuals in the 3 months prior to Thanksgiving. Many of these individuals had been laid of from jobs or were dealt other crushing blows by the economic recession. The pantry closes down all operations during the times of these distributions in order to get the large amounts of people in and out in an efficient manner. Towards the end of the last Thanksgiving distribution, a woman came in who had not received notice to receive a box because she was not seen as a crisis client. Before I could ask her what her situation was, and figure out how we could help, she said, “This is how black people get treated in Waterloo. Everyone else can get food, but we can’t.” This was a striking blow to my heart as I have made it my personal mission to make the food bank a non-judgmental and compassionate atmosphere for all who need assistance. I took this image, blew it up in my mind, and blocked out all the words of appreciation from the hundreds of individuals, from all racial and ethnic backgrounds, we saw come through the door. I used that image as a match to burn up the thank you notes that people left with us as they walked through the distribution line.
When I began writing these posts it was mostly a fundraising tool for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I have been told that you should thank a donor seven times for every time you ask them for money. The posts were a way to thank donors, and invite them to be a part of our marathon experience. They transformed into a way for me to share the spiritual journey that God was taking me on through the training process, and honestly through the mourning period after my father’s death. I then found out the God was allowing my words to be used to inspire others. One day I received a message from an individual who said that my words were offensive and derogatory to his experience of running a marathon. I recently received another message telling me that my writing was religious garbage that I was trying to shove down people’s throats. I took those two images, blew them up in my mind, and allowed them to erase every message I had received telling me that my writing was inspirational. I allowed those images to make me second guess writing anything but analytical updates about the number of miles we ran and how are bodies were coping (wouldn’t that be fun to read). Finally, and worst of all, I allowed those images to make me second guess my own beliefs about God’s hand in my journey.
I read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis back in my high school days. I don’t remember exact quotes, and can’t think of a specific example, but what I remember was the idea that as much as God desires to be found Satan is trying to hide His existence. As I continue with my attempt to seek God with all my heart, and find Him wherever I search, I must first learn how to minimize the negative images that I am so good at blowing up. Looking in to 2010, I resolve to focus on the beauty of life that is around me all of the time, while seeing the negative images that pass across my frame as only speed bumps that can allow me to refocus on my search for God in all things. Believe me, this resolution has all the makings of the gym membership that gets used twice or the new Bible that is covered in dust by 2011. However, now that it is posted here I have a new set of people to hold me accountable. When you see those negative images causing my eyes to be blurred, please remind me of what a wonderful God we have as a friend playing hide and seek around every corner.
Happy New Year!!!
Anyway, I figured since it is the start of a new year and there are plenty of things I could be better at, I could write about a New Year’s resolution that was something I was thinking about anyway.
However, just to have a little fun, I wanted to mention the fact that celebrating a new year in the DEAD of winter does not make much since at all. When I think of NEW I do not think of WINTER. Actually, celebrating the New Year is the oldest holiday, reaching all the way back to 4000BC. However, the New Year originally began with the first new moon, or the first day of spring. Doesn’t that make so much more sense?
Back to the point…
Something that stuck out in my mind as I finished off 2009 was my keen ability to pick out the bad things around me, blow them up into huge images in my brain, and allow them to block out all of the wonderful things that happen every day. It is a wonderful talent of mine that I resolve to try to get worse at in 2010.
Working at the Northeast Iowa Food Bank, I had the opportunity to coordinate holiday food distributions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We decided this year to focus on clients who had received crisis services in the months prior to the holidays. These clients are individuals who have never been into the food bank before, have not been in within the last 6 months, or have had some major event in their lives that has dramatically changed their ability to keep food on the table. This constituted over 700 individuals in the 3 months prior to Thanksgiving. Many of these individuals had been laid of from jobs or were dealt other crushing blows by the economic recession. The pantry closes down all operations during the times of these distributions in order to get the large amounts of people in and out in an efficient manner. Towards the end of the last Thanksgiving distribution, a woman came in who had not received notice to receive a box because she was not seen as a crisis client. Before I could ask her what her situation was, and figure out how we could help, she said, “This is how black people get treated in Waterloo. Everyone else can get food, but we can’t.” This was a striking blow to my heart as I have made it my personal mission to make the food bank a non-judgmental and compassionate atmosphere for all who need assistance. I took this image, blew it up in my mind, and blocked out all the words of appreciation from the hundreds of individuals, from all racial and ethnic backgrounds, we saw come through the door. I used that image as a match to burn up the thank you notes that people left with us as they walked through the distribution line.
When I began writing these posts it was mostly a fundraising tool for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I have been told that you should thank a donor seven times for every time you ask them for money. The posts were a way to thank donors, and invite them to be a part of our marathon experience. They transformed into a way for me to share the spiritual journey that God was taking me on through the training process, and honestly through the mourning period after my father’s death. I then found out the God was allowing my words to be used to inspire others. One day I received a message from an individual who said that my words were offensive and derogatory to his experience of running a marathon. I recently received another message telling me that my writing was religious garbage that I was trying to shove down people’s throats. I took those two images, blew them up in my mind, and allowed them to erase every message I had received telling me that my writing was inspirational. I allowed those images to make me second guess writing anything but analytical updates about the number of miles we ran and how are bodies were coping (wouldn’t that be fun to read). Finally, and worst of all, I allowed those images to make me second guess my own beliefs about God’s hand in my journey.
I read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis back in my high school days. I don’t remember exact quotes, and can’t think of a specific example, but what I remember was the idea that as much as God desires to be found Satan is trying to hide His existence. As I continue with my attempt to seek God with all my heart, and find Him wherever I search, I must first learn how to minimize the negative images that I am so good at blowing up. Looking in to 2010, I resolve to focus on the beauty of life that is around me all of the time, while seeing the negative images that pass across my frame as only speed bumps that can allow me to refocus on my search for God in all things. Believe me, this resolution has all the makings of the gym membership that gets used twice or the new Bible that is covered in dust by 2011. However, now that it is posted here I have a new set of people to hold me accountable. When you see those negative images causing my eyes to be blurred, please remind me of what a wonderful God we have as a friend playing hide and seek around every corner.
Happy New Year!!!
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