New Year's Resolution

So, if you know me very well you may think it is pretty strange that I would be writing about a New Year’s resolution. I am pretty anti most traditions. I don’t know what it is, but when something becomes a tradition it puts a bad taste in my mouth. I am sure that will become more of a headache for Katie when we have kids, but she got a good taste of it when we were planning our wedding!

Anyway, I figured since it is the start of a new year and there are plenty of things I could be better at, I could write about a New Year’s resolution that was something I was thinking about anyway.

However, just to have a little fun, I wanted to mention the fact that celebrating a new year in the DEAD of winter does not make much since at all. When I think of NEW I do not think of WINTER. Actually, celebrating the New Year is the oldest holiday, reaching all the way back to 4000BC. However, the New Year originally began with the first new moon, or the first day of spring. Doesn’t that make so much more sense?

Back to the point…

Something that stuck out in my mind as I finished off 2009 was my keen ability to pick out the bad things around me, blow them up into huge images in my brain, and allow them to block out all of the wonderful things that happen every day. It is a wonderful talent of mine that I resolve to try to get worse at in 2010.

Working at the Northeast Iowa Food Bank, I had the opportunity to coordinate holiday food distributions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We decided this year to focus on clients who had received crisis services in the months prior to the holidays. These clients are individuals who have never been into the food bank before, have not been in within the last 6 months, or have had some major event in their lives that has dramatically changed their ability to keep food on the table. This constituted over 700 individuals in the 3 months prior to Thanksgiving. Many of these individuals had been laid of from jobs or were dealt other crushing blows by the economic recession. The pantry closes down all operations during the times of these distributions in order to get the large amounts of people in and out in an efficient manner. Towards the end of the last Thanksgiving distribution, a woman came in who had not received notice to receive a box because she was not seen as a crisis client. Before I could ask her what her situation was, and figure out how we could help, she said, “This is how black people get treated in Waterloo. Everyone else can get food, but we can’t.” This was a striking blow to my heart as I have made it my personal mission to make the food bank a non-judgmental and compassionate atmosphere for all who need assistance. I took this image, blew it up in my mind, and blocked out all the words of appreciation from the hundreds of individuals, from all racial and ethnic backgrounds, we saw come through the door. I used that image as a match to burn up the thank you notes that people left with us as they walked through the distribution line.

When I began writing these posts it was mostly a fundraising tool for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I have been told that you should thank a donor seven times for every time you ask them for money. The posts were a way to thank donors, and invite them to be a part of our marathon experience. They transformed into a way for me to share the spiritual journey that God was taking me on through the training process, and honestly through the mourning period after my father’s death. I then found out the God was allowing my words to be used to inspire others. One day I received a message from an individual who said that my words were offensive and derogatory to his experience of running a marathon. I recently received another message telling me that my writing was religious garbage that I was trying to shove down people’s throats. I took those two images, blew them up in my mind, and allowed them to erase every message I had received telling me that my writing was inspirational. I allowed those images to make me second guess writing anything but analytical updates about the number of miles we ran and how are bodies were coping (wouldn’t that be fun to read). Finally, and worst of all, I allowed those images to make me second guess my own beliefs about God’s hand in my journey.

I read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis back in my high school days. I don’t remember exact quotes, and can’t think of a specific example, but what I remember was the idea that as much as God desires to be found Satan is trying to hide His existence. As I continue with my attempt to seek God with all my heart, and find Him wherever I search, I must first learn how to minimize the negative images that I am so good at blowing up. Looking in to 2010, I resolve to focus on the beauty of life that is around me all of the time, while seeing the negative images that pass across my frame as only speed bumps that can allow me to refocus on my search for God in all things. Believe me, this resolution has all the makings of the gym membership that gets used twice or the new Bible that is covered in dust by 2011. However, now that it is posted here I have a new set of people to hold me accountable. When you see those negative images causing my eyes to be blurred, please remind me of what a wonderful God we have as a friend playing hide and seek around every corner.

Happy New Year!!!